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You’ve talked to me a lot about being trans, but your junk has rarely been the focus. I’m reluctant to talk about it, honestly, as open as I’d like to think I am.
But it always seemed like it was the skirts and the hormones that mattered most to you, or burning your facial hair off, or worrying about how your family would react, or just coming out in general. I’ve felt ambivalent about it sometimes, but never hate or dislike. C: Well, there are women out there who have them, so you should get used to the idea. I guess hermaphrodites would have to deal with that too?
And in the last year I’ve mostly just listened and tried to tell you what to do. You seem to have had at least a couple partners that were okay with your transitioning.
If I kept the penis, and then started dating a new person as a girl, there’s going to be a part where I have to say, “By the way, I’ve got a cock.” S: Are you really that worried?
I mean, okay, so you can’t wear tight clothes or go into locker rooms, for the most part you don’t wear tight clothes, and you can suck it up and tuck when you do. I want all this transitioning crap to just be an interesting story that’s in the past. S: Seems a shame you’re letting it affect you so much. So if you get your wang turned inside out, would you have an abnormally large vagina? Now you’re saying you there’s something about your body you’re okay with, but there are these outside pressures, which, even if they’re mostly in your own perceptions (for now), are still coming from an external place. When you tried to not think about wanting a female body, you were denying something you felt from within you, your own relationship with a body you didn’t like. I can’t guess at how difficult it would be to live as a woman with a penis, but what I’m hearing you say doesn’t sound… You’re not a freak, you be a freak, and the way you’re thinking about freaks isn’t helpful. Your anxieties about your cock don’t sound like they’re actually coming from what you want for yourself. S: But don’t you think you’re mostly talking about what it means to be out in the world?